im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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