I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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