Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
