i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
