Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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