I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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