Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He better not be in your backpack
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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