we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
