We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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