You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
