if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
