i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
