Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
