Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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