we have officially lost it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
