wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
