Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
