I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
