I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
