if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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