Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
