i can't believe i had my finger in that
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
