How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
