well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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