She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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