Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Me too!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am one with the molecules
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
