I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
