I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
