belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
