please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
