I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
