barbara walters just said penis...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
