Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
