Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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