If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
