Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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