im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
