How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize