i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You pole danced in your parka.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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