I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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