My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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