just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
