i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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