Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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