I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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