he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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