We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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