if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
