I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
