don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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