This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
