I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
