Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
