I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
