I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
