Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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