All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
