Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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