i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
