I wanna bring you to show and tell
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
