Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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