Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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