I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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