I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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