Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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