My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
