Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
