So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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