feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
