Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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