All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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