I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
