my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
