yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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