A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
