You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
