smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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