CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
