Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
