Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
